why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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