ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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