He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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