I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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