I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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