I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
