Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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