Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
