well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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