god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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