I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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