Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
