Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
