Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
