It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
