I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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