if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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