it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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