how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
