so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
