We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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