mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
