Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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