I accidentally had phone sex last night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
