I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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