girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
