You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
