I'm eating all of the evidence.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
