I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
