two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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