She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
