i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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