Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
