yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
