the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
