Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
