This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
