forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
