Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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