The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
