when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
