We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
