Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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