I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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