well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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