im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
