I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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