I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
