Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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