the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
