I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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