she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
