shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
