right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am available for nakedness
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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