I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do vagina's smell?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
