Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
