That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize