so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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