I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
