I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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